Does This Blog Make Me Look Fat?

Today's blog by gift girl was a little bitter-sweet for me. Sweet in that it was awesome as usual, but bitter in that it was all about me. Her blog about weight loss was a veiled attempt to call me fat. Anyone who has seen my profile knows that I might have a couple of vanity pound to lose by summer but why bring attention to it? Nevertheless, in a tip of the hat to Gift Girl's efforts I will also share a couple of my weight loss secrets with you all.

First, one of the best secrets for dealing with weight gain is to simply find fatter friends. Whenever I gain a few pounds I simply lose my skinnier friends and find some fatter friends. This helps for two reasons: it makes me feel better about myself surrounded by a herd of the morbidly obese and secondly I look that much better when viewed in comparison to my surroundings. If you have ever walked into a buffet just before it is about to close only to find a few dried out pieces of fried chicken and some picked over fries and then the waitress walks in with a fresh tray of chicken fingers then you will know what I mean. When my gals and I walk into a room I am the fresh tray of chicken fingers.

Another excellent secret for dealing with weight gain is to hold on to some old photos from when you were skinny. I started using this trick some time around the arrival of my third chin. I found an old photo from a couple of chins ago and I now use this photo for all my online chatting and correspondence. If you have viewed my profile and thought to yourself that my photo created an unrealistic image of the modern woman in her mid thirties then maybe it is because it actually is too good to be true. Then again, maybe it's not - that's one secret I won't be giving up today.

GiFt GiRl RoCks!

The first time I met Gift Girl was when I was on a vacation to the Wisconsin Dells. I was renting a scooter to tour the area and happened to be standing behind her in line. She probably does not remember me because I did not say anything to her at the time but I remember it as clearly as if it had just happened. She was cussing angrily at the rental associate about the color choices available for rent and complaining about how the rental helmets are usually infested with lice and other communicable parasites. Then again it may not have been Gift Girl, I can't be 100% sure (I did only see the back of her head after all). Nevertheless I am pleased to make her acquaintance again through her blog and I will dedicate this blog to bringing all my readers up to date on her latest blog. While this may sound redundant and you may ask "well why wouldn't I just read her blog", think of it as a chance for just a little bit more. After you have read her blog you can read my blog for the sort of in depth analysis that makes this whole experience so gratifying. I'm like the Biden to her Obama. Let's put it this way, I've got places I want to go in this world but I would rather not do the heavy lifting and so like a Remora fish stuck to the side of a shark it is just easier for me to let her write the blog, then I comment on it, and you read both our blogs. Everyone is happy and the Remora fish gets propelled to where she wants to go with very little energy expended. I hope you enjoy my blogs and I look forward to a healthy collection of postings from you all.